We are not here concerned with hopes or fears, only with truth as far as our reason permits us to discover it. - Charles Darwin, The Descent of Man
It was interesting to note that my earlier text about sex titled Sex Education was one of my most read and commented texts by the members of the generational Facebook group I belong to. So I began to think that interest in sex remains, in spite of the advanced age of the majority in this group. I concluded, "sex is alive and well" and decided to return to this subject in a different, more adult way. But before I begin, I want to remind you that my previous essay on sex was a personal confession, my introduction to this aspect of life. What follows is something completely different.
Recently, I spent the night at a friend's home. As usual, when I end up at somebody's house, I go in search of books. Apparently, I'm curious to find out what people's interests are. My friend had many books on yoga, meditation, spirituality, but my eyes turned to the section where the books on sex were. I opened up one of the books that attracted my attention with the title, Sex at Dawn. And then there was the subtitle How We Mate, Why We Stray, and What It Means for Modern Relationships. * Who would remain indifferent to such a bait, right?! Well, of course not. So, I reclined in a comfortable armchair and started reading. The result of my reading of it is now before you.
The text, inspired by the aforementioned book, is trans-personal: the exploration of the prehistoric nature of the sexual behavior of humankind. So I'll say it, right from the get-go, even if it might shock some of you: natural selection has endowed us with hypersexuality. What does that mean? The answer is self-evident. We as a species have survived thanks to sexual activity in large quantities and with multiple sexual partners. Can you believe that the multimale–multifemale mating system is our birthright? I can also call it “nonpossessive, gregarious sexuality” if I want to use a less technical and more precise term to characterize sexual behavior that has been the human norm for the longest time. Maybe you didn't expect it, but the thing is, we're shaped like this, and you can't get rid of it no matter how hard you try.
Here I want to stop for a moment and clarify the term promiscuity, which I will use later in the text, as the authors of the book Sex at Dawn used it. They explain it: “If promiscuity suggests a number of ongoing, nonexclusive sexual relationships, then yes, our ancestors were far more promiscuous than us. On the other hand, if we understand promiscuity to refer to a lack of discrimination in choosing partners or having sex with random strangers, then our ancestors were likely far less promiscuous than many modern humans. For this book, promiscuity refers only to having a number of ongoing sexual relationships at the same time. Given the contours of prehistoric life in small bands, it’s unlikely that many of these partners would have been strangers.” *
This type of sexual behavior was adaptable in the environment in which humans have lived 99% of the evolutionary time. Just think for a moment about that percentage to absorb the importance that scientists who explore the origin of human characteristics attach to it. Expressions such as, "Our modern skulls house a stone age mind." ** Or more specifically, “Our neural circuits were designed by natural selection to solve problems that our ancestors faced during our species' evolutionary history.” **
If we agree with Darwin that natural selection favors bodily characteristics and behaviors that are most likely to enable an individual/group to survive and raise offspring until reproductive age, then we would be able to better understand the sexual behavior and social organization of the Stone Age people. In this paper, I will not describe the anatomical and physiological features that have been preserved by the evolution as a testimony of promiscuous sexual behavior, but the authors of the book are very explicit and detailed in their characterization of these sexual adaptations to enable the 'survival of the fittest.' It is not my intent that this text "gets lost" in those details, but rest assured that it would be worthwhile to take the time to read this book if you are inquisitive and open-minded as I am. Consequently, my knowledge base and understanding of the evolutionary biology and psychology of our species and its sexual behavior have been dramatically enhanced.
I will briefly address the socio-economic organization of our ancestors and their adaptive value. The main feature was the absence of private property, which means that everything was shared, especially food and childcare. There was no marriage or family unit as we know it. There was neither mine nor yours, but ours, and every behavior, including sex, was preserved through natural selection in order to increase the cohesion of the group which assured the well-being of all. For these reasons, sex had a role not only in providing pleasure and reproduction but also in preventing aggression among group members.
This has been noted in the behavior of the bonobo and chimpanzee, our closest animal relatives, and is also reflected in many contemporary groups of people who live a similar way of life prior to the "invention" of agriculture. The great biologist E.O. Wilson said it clearly: “All that we can surmise of humankind’s genetic history argues for a more liberal sexual morality, in which sexual practices are to be regarded first as bonding devices and only second as a means for procreation.” ***
A varied diet and constant roaming resulted in excellent health: adults grew to be about six feet tall and lived long into their 60s and 70s. You could be surprised to read this because you probably believed that life in those days was cruel, short, full of aggression, and constant struggle with various adversities. But the truth is that the major causes of present-day human mortality such as heart disease, cancer, diabetes, infectious diseases, and pandemics were unknown. Apparently, we have lived this way of life since "time immemorial", in our "Garden of Eden" until agriculture expelled us from this paradise approximately 10,000 years ago. Maybe this is our original sin described in the Bible. For sure, it was the most radical departure from our true nature, the curse that has haunted us ever since. One could argue that agriculture has domesticated humans as much as any plant or animal. It has separated us from the ecology of life; convinced us that we are exceptional; created a hierarchical social structure; reduced the female status from being equal to that of subordinate to male; led to rapid population growth; famine, poverty, life in the cities, alienation, war; exploitation of others, land and resources, which at the end resulted in climate change we are witnessing today.
We should be reminded that something that seems natural or unnatural to us does not mean that it is. We must not forget that the familiar “fingers of culture” reach deep into our minds. Certain behaviors that we think are normal would rapidly destroy many pre-agricultural societies, making them dysfunctional. Especially when it comes to unlimited self-interest, whether it is expressed in the form of accumulation of food or sexual possessiveness. This would be a direct threat to the cohesiveness of the group and the survival of such a community. But our culture that has emerged on the wings of agriculture has the power to convince us that sexual monogamy is inherent in human nature. We were told by “church and state” and by scientists who have not resisted such cultural prejudices, that monogamy is in our genes, because "one must be sure of one's paternity rights", so individual male "ownership" of female reproductive function is a must.
The authors conclude that "indoctrination-driven science" completely ignores our unusually high sexual capacity, especially evident among young people, ubiquitous adultery in adults in response to socially imposed monogamy, and the use of pornography for up to $ 100 billion a year as reported in the book. Not to mention "the oldest profession" and its legal or illegal presence since the invention of agriculture until today.
Now let me put it figuratively to excite your imagination if I haven't already. As can be seen, the fingerprints of our primordial sexual nature are still observed today, although they are often obscured by the ever-present deep deposits of cultural mud from which it is not easy to get out. We are all trapped even though some of us have learned to move in one way or another, while for many others it's too much, so they sink deeper. Still, others try to clean themselves with products that are not suitable for the type of sludge that adheres to them. They are punished or suffer because the “products” they use lead to divorce, family breakdown, interrupted career, financial ruin, and so on.
In the not-so-distant past, and in some parts of the world even now, genital mutilation, long-term imprisonment, and death have been implemented because of the powerful individuals poisoned by doctrines of human sexual nature and their desire to control it. But the measures of control have a short-lived effect, because as Arthur Schopenhauer said: " One can choose what to do, but not what to want." * So it's best to accept the fact that Homo sapiens evolved to be "shameless, indisputable, and inevitably hypersexual." *
Another less visible consequence of living in a male-dominated culture is that we don’t know enough about female sexuality. What the authors of the book teach us is that female’s sexual behavior is far more malleable than male’s. Greater erotic plasticity leads most women to experience more variation in their sexuality than men usually do, but at the same time, women's sexual behavior is far more sensitive to social pressure. The essence of sexual behavior for most women appears to include the ability to change as life changes.
What is the healthy solution for this conflict between our nature and societal attitude toward sexual behavior? The answer is not easy to find but the authors don’t suggest giving in to the pressures of the dominant culture, lying to your spouse or partner with the hope of not being caught, and when caught not following the knee-jerk scenario of divorce and broken home. They suggest “confronting the sky together” and openly discussing sexual needs and desires. A sensible and relaxed approach, rather than taking sex too seriously with moralizing social codes hanging around one's neck, is recommended.
I will conclude this essay by quoting an excerpt from the book that provides a partial analysis of the current state of affairs and provides reasonable guidance: “While many are perplexed and disturbed by the ‘hooking up’ culture, the sexting of racy images back and forth, full recognition of all legal rights for gay male and lesbian couples, and so on, there’s not much they can do to stop any of it for long. In terms of sexuality, history appears to be flowing back toward a hunter-gatherer casualness. If so, future generations may suffer fewer pathological manifestations of sexual frustration and unnecessarily fractured families. The false expectations we hold about ourselves, each other, and human sexuality do us serious, lasting harm. There are an infinite number of ways to adapt a flexible and loving partnership to our ancient appetites. Every person is a world and every relationship a universe.” *
* Sex at Dawn: How We Mate, Why We Stray, and What It Means for Modern Relationships, by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jetha, Harper Perennial, 2011
** https://www.cep.ucsb.edu/primer.html
*** Sociobiology: The New Synthesis, by E.O. Wilson, Harvard University Press, 1975
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