Interesting and maybe even provocative question, isn’t it? For some, this question causes frustration or confusion, while for others it encourages them to think hard and long in search of the right answer. Let me be the first to start discussing this topic. I could easily recognize examples when I did not take responsibility for what was happening in my life. I often blamed others for making me angry or miserable. If I did something I was ashamed of, I quickly pushed it out of my consciousness to get rid of that unpleasant feeling. Under some circumstances I even blamed others for my actions: “He made me do it.” When I didn't know something, I managed to convince myself that I didn't need that knowledge. Sometimes I watched people from the balcony with superiority, thinking how stupid they were and how I was better than them, and at the same time, I was suppressing the urge to jump into the abyss. From this list, it can be inferred that it was relatively easy and convenient to make excuses in an attempt to “save the face,” rather than to deal with feelings of inadequacy, embarrassment, anxiety, and many other painful experiences. Apparently, at that time I was not ready or willing to take the “high road” of radical self-acceptance.
However, my conscience does not rest, so even now I wonder why I did it? What was the force in me that almost automatically “kicked in” in these types of situations? To help find the answer to the original question and the ones that followed, I ask myself another question. Would it be helpful to turn to Karl Jung and listen to his words of wisdom that may point to a solution? For instance, he said: “One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.” * I have to admit, when I read this sentence, I immediately thought about it because to me it sounded both appealing and intriguing. So I decided to pay attention because, after all, he is the one who discovered The Shadow, the dark side of our personality. For the first time I learned about this archetype by reading wonderful book Man and His Symbols, written by Jung and his disciples. *
Jung claimed the aspect of our personality that is outside of our consciousness is our shadow. “Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual's conscious life, the blacker and denser it is.” ** He believed that if we are to become mature, integrated individuals and transcend group attachment and narcissistic self-absorption, we need to meet our shadow. Is it an easy task? Not at all, because shadow consists of repressed weaknesses, shortcomings, and drives. It is most often the underbelly of the things we love about ourselves. Hence, there is a tendency to transfer or cast our shadow onto others to help us deal with high anxiety, self-esteem vulnerability, “super-ego” demands, etc. Apparently, there are many “good “reasons to employ the all-powerful, ever-present defense mechanism of projection, which is automatically deployed as an unconscious rejection of unacceptable thoughts, traits, feelings, or wishes, and the attribution of them to other people.
The projection is considered an “immature” defense mechanism because it is prevalent between ages 3 and 15 but is also used in adulthood on a smaller or larger scale and can lead to a minor or major distortion of reality and personal and interpersonal problems. It is often subtle, inconspicuous, hidden behind the screen of moral correctness, patriotism, following the "party line", and many other explanations forged in a personal or collective workshop in charge of "creating a fog" so that the horizon is narrowed and blurred. For example, projection is at work in cases of severe prejudice, rejection of intimacy, unwarranted suspicion, hypervigilance to danger, preoccupation with injustice, or exaggerated attention to others' sexual interests and behavior. *** Even in the Bible we find a reference to this topic when Jesus says in a famous speech on the Mount, "Why do you look at a speck in your brother's eye and not notice the beams in your own eye?" **** In this way, Jesus points out that the purpose of projection is to prevent us to look inward.
Deepak Chopra nicely describes the spiral of alienation and self-destruction that occurs in the process of "the shadow effect." It starts with secrecy when we learn not to reveal our basic drives and desires. This is followed by guilt and shame when hidden drives and desires cause negative feelings. Then the judgment comes on the scene with the accusation that anything that felt bad became morally wrong or evil. After that blaming occurs, assigning responsibility for the pain we feel to others. Projection allows a convenient scapegoat to be manufactured. Our scapegoat becomes "the other" who had to be guarded against and fought with. And finally, the struggle ensues because the projection couldn’t make the pain go away permanently. *****
I mentioned earlier that the work of projection is frequently subtle and difficult to spot. If you want to increase awareness of its presence the best clue is negativity because projection is never neutral or positive. So if you are feeling superior, arrogant, defensive, jealous, paranoid, preoccupied with blaming others, injustice, or demonstrating prejudice against others, projection is preventing you to experience shadow feelings of being a failure, experiencing the pain of rejection, unworthiness, the impulse to stray, deep-seated fear, being at fault, sinful, and inferior to others. You will spend enormous energy and time in the process of not accepting yourself and being separated from others and the wholeness of life. Running away from your own shadow is as futile as the attempt to outrun the lion that is chasing after you. The shadow becomes an enormous self-destructive force stripping us of our right to make conscious choices and keeping us from full self-expression, from speaking the truth, and from living an authentic life.
What can be done? The first step is to make peace with all your feelings. I clearly remember when I made that choice. I was standing in the apartment that I just entered into due to a difficult life situation flooded with all kinds of feelings. I said to myself that from now on I refuse to repress any feeling I was experiencing no matter how painful. There was a sense of freedom and relief due to my willingness for openness, honesty and acceptance of what I had previously rejected. To support this claim, I will turn once again to Deepak Chopra: “Denial is blindness; the idealized self-image is pure seduction. Your true self is acceptable not because you are so good, but because you are complete.” *****
And with that, it is clear that embracing the Shadow releases a tremendous amount of creative energy that leads to transformation with the potential to convert shame into compassion, embarrassment into courage, and restriction into freedom. It can be concluded that building an emotional “body” is just as important as building a physical body with the qualities of vitality, alertness, flexibility and enjoyment of the experience. Be the light of the world by emanating "the lightness of being." Be in charge of your life by becoming whole through the process of absorbing the shadow. We are all interconnected into one bioecological system. The fog of illusion is lifted, and you will be fully healed; the most humane human that you can become.
P.S. My friend read the above text and asked the question which prompted me to write a detailed answer that broaden the topic. I decided to include here her question and my answer.
Q: I am interested in Jung's idea that the unconscious also has goodwill. Does that mean that shadow is not always dark and that it is easier for some people to be authentic?
A: In my text, I only talked about the dark side of the Shadow because it could affect our lives with tremendous power. We all have life moments filled with pain, shame, fear, guilt, etc. Over time, they become solidified in the repressed darkness of unconscious oblivion, so we lose access to our authentic self and thus live a life of divided Self resulting in internal conflict and a never-ending struggle.
You ask if any of us have easier access to the Shadow and live a more authentic life. The answer is yes. There are some of us who are luckier and grew up in families and environments that have allowed us to express ourselves in an authentic way, get answers to many spontaneous questions without being embarrassed or dismissed as stupid, etc. These are influential people in our lives who have met and embraced their own Shadow which allowed them to live in peace and compassion for others. As for the other side of the Shadow, it exists like the other side of the moon, which we know or think less about. Most of us not only suppress socially unacceptable emotions, characteristics, and actions, but also suppress positive qualities such as courage, success, competence, talent, the joy of life, etc. I remember well an ideological phrase in my “socialist” upbringing that demanded equality and suppressed exceptionalism so that if any of us stood out with some ability, talent, and uniqueness, the social order guardians tried to suppress it. The source of idolatry (worship of athletes, singers, actors, political leaders) lies in the projection of this other side of our Shadow on them with the desire to be like them (even though we already are) and thus we create of them persons they are not. We all participate in that process, more or less, right?
As for goodwill, it always exists and if we are willing to meet the Shadow, we will discover its hidden gifts in the form of forgiveness (first we must forgive ourselves and then others), love, and compassion. I will quote here one of the Shadow explorers, Debbie Ford, who said: “When we bring our shadow, our hidden emotions, and our life-draining beliefs into the light of our conscious awareness, it will transform the way we see ourselves, others, and the world. Then we are free. We can forgive and let go of a demeaning judgment and our resentful hearts. We can tap into the humility of Gandhi and the tolerance of Martin Luther King Jr. and draw forth the strength and the courage to deal with the issues that haunt us.”
* Man and His Symbols, by Carl G. Jung and others, Doubleday, 1969
** Psychology and Religion, by Carl G. Jung, Yale University Press, 1960
*** Ego Mechanisms of Defense: A Guide for Clinicians and Researchers, by George E. Vaillant, American Psychiatric Association Publishing, 1992
**** Harmony of the Gospels, by Steven L. Cox, Kendell H. Easley, Holman Reference, 2007
***** The Shadow Effect: Illuminating the Hidden Power of Your True Self, by Deepak Chopra, Debbie Ford, and Marianne Williamson, HarperOne, 2010
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