Transcending expectations
I stand at the window of my sixth-floor apartment, gazing out at the distance below. My mind races with anticipation as I wait for the arrival of someone dear to me, a familiar face that I expect to meet. With each passing moment, my anxiety builds, as I wonder whether she will arrive at all. Time stretches while I struggle with uncertainty and waiting.
All of a sudden, a small figure catches my eye. Could it be the one I am waiting for? I strain my eyes, trying to make out her features, but the distance is too great. Disappointment pours over me as I realize that it is not her, after all, just a stranger passing by.
This moment of disappointment makes me reflect on the nature of expectations. How often do we set ourselves up for disappointment by anticipating a specific outcome? My mind wanders to a friend who once expected his brother to repay a debt, only to find out that his brother had tragically passed away. The weight of that unfulfilled expectation mixed with a negative state of mind stayed with him.
In his desire to find peace of mind and terminate his suffering state, he made a deep dive into the shadow of his mind, seeking a solution. What he discovered was that by letting go of expectations, he freed himself from the burden he carried. Rather than fixating on specific outcomes, he learned to embrace the present moment and live in a state of gratitude where the future is always here and now.
As I stand by the window, waiting and watching, I am struck by the wisdom of my friend's insights. In letting go of my expectations and embracing the moment with which I am blessed, I also find a sense of freedom and peace that fills the space that anticipatory anxiety used to inhabit.
Unraveling process
Apparently, anticipatory anxiety is something I know quite well. It's a dreadful anxious feeling that builds on top of worried thinking before an upcoming event or situation. It's like those annoying houseguests who just won't leave - hanging around and making a mess. No matter how hard I wish for them to go away so that I can return to my usual routines, it seems as though they are determined to cling and stay.
At first, I longed for my space and freedom but as time went on, I began to view their presence differently. Rather than simply being a nuisance, I approach them with a sense of curiosity and an open mind. I seek to understand their unique perspective and to get to know them better.
Anticipatory anxiety has a special way of existing. Its imagination runs wild. Disaster is a prediction it keeps in mind. "What if something goes horribly wrong?" crosses the mind immersed in the trenches of anxious apprehension. "Well, get ready for total failure and humiliation!" It's as if this mind state is wired to focus on the negative. And the body follows suit reacting to this state of existence as if saying, "Hey, let's join in on this anxiety party!"
The lingering remnants
Early life programming shapes our thoughts and emotions, influencing how we perceive the world around us. They act as seeds that are planted in the soil of our minds, and as we grow, they can either blossom into positive beliefs or manifest as negative ones. Anticipatory anxiety is a common example of negative thought patterns that became entrenched, leading to a vicious cycle of anxious thoughts and behaviors.
The lingering remnants of our past misfortunes possess a powerful ability to infiltrate our perception, imbuing our vision of the future with shades of trepidation. Our expectations and beliefs concerning the future become entangled with the threads of our past, distorting our perceptions and bestowing upon us the burden of anticipation anxiety.
We may even develop a deep-seated belief that history will repeat itself, that we are destined to fail or suffer the same negative consequences as before. This belief can be so powerful that it creates a self-fulfilling prophecy, bringing about the very outcomes we fear.
For instance, if someone has been scarred by a past public speaking failure, they may feel their throat tightening and their heart racing at the mere thought of speaking in public again. The fear of repeating their past mistake can become so overwhelming that they avoid speaking opportunities altogether.
Similarly, someone who has had a painful experience in a romantic relationship may be haunted by the belief that they are unlovable or unworthy of love. This negative self-talk can lead them to engage in self-destructive behaviors that sabotage their chances of finding happiness in future relationships.
Reframing the weight of anxiety
Having personally experienced the negative impact of an anxious mind, I am acutely aware of the difficult task of quieting such thoughts. The solution does not lie in perpetuating a cycle of excessive contemplation. Too much thinking is not solved by more thinking, and it can be exhausting to continue this cycle into the silence of the night. The machinery of our thinking brain is in high gear when the anticipation of something negative happening is in the cards that the mind shuffles around.
I have tried to reassure myself and others who hold the torch of this mind’s activity. "You just have an active mind," I would say, "be grateful for that." But I soon learned that this advice did not help those who suffer from an “active mindedness” that persists despite the wish for peace of mind.
It is a burden we carry, and yet, in acknowledging its weight, we can aspire to liberate ourselves from its clutches and transcend the boundaries it seeks to impose. By cultivating an awareness of the biases that influence our interpretations, we nurture a more balanced perspective—one that embraces the full spectrum of possibilities that lie before us.
Matthew of the Bible wrote, "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own"(1). It is a quote that has stuck with me, for it is a reminder that the future is unpredictable, and worrying about it will not change the outcome. It emphasizes the importance of living in the present moment.
Anticipation unleashed
To further demonstrate the effect of anticipation in my life, I will take you back in time when I arrived in America for the first time to be interviewed for the job. The impact of anticipation was far-reaching, affecting my approach to situations that generated feelings of anxiety.
Every aspect of my preparations for the interview felt fraught with obstacles. Initially, it was a nerve-wracking embassy visit in Belgrade to obtain a visitor’s visa. Despite my best efforts, my initial attempt at securing a visa fell short, causing a cascade of panic to surge through me. However, I was lucky to have friends in high places who were able to help me navigate the red tape of bureaucracy. With the help of a letter from a North Dakota congressman, I secured the necessary documents for the trip.
The next hurdle was obtaining the necessary funds. My family and friends came to the rescue. As I embarked on the overseas flight, destined for a faraway land, my nerves rattled. The long journey ahead was filled with uncertainties and unknowns.
Upon landing in Bismarck, North Dakota, a wave of anticipation washed over me. The impending two-day interview loomed, and my limited mastery of the English language posed a formidable impediment. Yet, amidst my trepidation, a quiet inner voice urged me to persevere. I labored to prepare for the interview, dedicating countless hours to writing down potential questions and formulating answers. The fear of stumbling over my words propelled me to work tirelessly in order to equip myself for the challenge ahead of me. I rehearsed day in and day out.
The day of reckoning had finally arrived, and I found myself standing in front of the University of North Dakota building in Fargo, North Dakota. My anxiety threatened to overwhelm me. I knew I had come too far to back down now. I was determined to face this challenge.
As I made my way inside the interviewing place, I could feel my body trembling. I silently repeated my mantra, "Just take it one step at a time." Summoning every bit of courage I had, I strode forward and stepped inside, ready to embrace whatever was in the store for me. Let the fun begin!
As the day went on and the hours stretched out before me like the endless water of an ocean, I felt beads of sweat forming on my forehead. I refused to let the pressure break me, so I pushed on, undaunted. The interviews were tough - my accent was thick, my words were hesitant, and my body was drenched. But I persisted, and finally, the first day was over.
The arrival of the second day proved to be a pivotal moment, an all-or-nothing juncture that would either solidify my position or dash my aspirations. The fate of my future hinged upon my ability to leave a favorable impression on the chairman and residency director, the sole members comprising my interview panel that day. When I stepped into their presence, I was met with a warm reception and genuine kindness.
The passage of time assumed a sluggish demeanor, each ticking second seemed an eternity, as I navigated the minefield of their questions. With every word uttered, and every gesture made, I impressed upon them the veil of competence and dedication. Finally, as dusk descended upon the day, the weight that had been pressing upon my shoulders began to relent, granting me a much-needed reprieve. The burdensome anticipation dissolved, and I exhaled a long-held breath of relief.
Planning for success
Studying the tricky nature of anticipatory anxiety and recalling my life experiences leaves me with valuable lessons on how to approach it with clarity and awareness. Through the kaleidoscope of memories that flicker in my mind, I perceive fragments of moments when anticipatory anxiety had wielded its influence in my life.
I have learned, with unwavering certitude, that to confront anticipatory anxiety it is to remain fully present in the present moment that becomes an anchor, grounding force for the uncertainty that accompanies such anxiety with the help from mindfulness that forms a protective cloak of awareness.
My wanderings through personal experiences have left me with an understanding of the transient nature of anticipatory anxiety. Like a fleeting gust of wind, it arrives with such a force, only to dissipate into the recesses of memory as passing visitors in the grand theater of life.
As I contemplate these revelations, I am reminded of the interplay between past, present, and future and the importance of self-reflection. From the annals of my life's chronicles, I draw sustenance—a thread of resilience woven into the fabric of my being.
One thing that worked very well for me is the discovery of the role of planning and preparing in the management of anxiety-inducing situations. By dedicating time and effort I was able to build the confidence needed to face those challenging events and increase my chances of success. After I gather the necessary information, I then create a structured plan. I list the steps I need to take, visualize the process, and rehearse potential scenarios in my mind. The more I prepare, the more confident I become in my ability to handle anxiety-inducing situations. Instead of dreading them, I start to approach them with a sense of excitement and readiness. The anticipatory anxiety then loses its power and transforms into the excitement that fills me up.
So remember, my fellow anxiety warriors, stay strong, stay resilient, and keep planning for success!
1. Matthew 6:34 (New International Version)
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