Retiring in April 2018 brought free time and inactivity, maybe for the first time in my life. As far back as I can remember, I went to school or worked. And now nothing, in terms of imposed or chosen obligations. There was time to finish writing my autobiography. Then came the preparation for the trip to Sedona at the invitation of a man my wife knew only superficially. How did it come about? To explain it, I have to look back a couple of months. Tina and I went to a conference in Sedona in February 2018 and immediately fell in love with the area, although we didn't have enough time to get to know it in depth. We visited an acquaintance of Tina who she heard about through an essential oil company with which they were both related. He and his wife lived in a house overlooking the red rocks of Thunder Mountain. After a short introduction, they offered us a guest house if we wanted to come again and explore the region in more detail. We accepted their generous offer and returned to Sedona at the end of May.
Move
This time, Steve, our host, comfortably played the role of tour guide, which we expected, as well as qigong teacher, which was a bonus. We spent a week as his guests and were even more attracted by the area where we were. We began to seriously consider moving and buying a house. But we soon realized that we could not afford a decent home in West Sedona, where we wanted to live, because of the exorbitant prices. So we decided to explore the larger area that had more affordable housing for our budget. Upon return to Fargo, we had a number of unsuccessful conversations with the realtor. After a while, I decided to go back to Arizona, this time without Tina. I wanted to see for myself houses for sale 15 miles west of Sedona. I arrived in April 2019 and after several attempts, I found a good home for us. The purchase was completed on June 6 of the same year, and we arrived at Cottonwood, our new home, after four days' drive from Fargo.
It was not easy to say goodbye to the city where we spent so many years. When someone asks me how long I lived in Fargo, I always say, "I survived 22 Siberian winters", to emphasize the main problem of living in that region. Tina had to close her private practice but decided to continue working at a virtual office, remotely, with Fargo's patients. She also planned to start part-time work in Sedona or Cottonwood. As for me, I met with psychiatrist Mary Watson, who recently opened a practice in Sedona, combining psychiatric treatment with health promotion programs and other alternative healing methods. I was drawn to this holistic, comprehensive approach because I wanted to get back to my job as a psychiatrist, but in a different way. I soon made the decision to join this unusual program. But first I had to go through an accreditation process that took several months. Finally, in August 2019, I started working at Tribe Wellness, a clinic with a bombastic name: a collective for healing the mind, body and soul. Sounds overbearing, doesn't it? But it didn't bother me.
A new environment
Sedona is a small town in northern Arizona surrounded by red mountains and untouched nature. A marvel for those who love hiking and nature. Because of its extraordinary beauty, several million tourists visit it every year. In addition, it attracts people who are sensitive to the heightened energy present throughout the region, especially in places known as vortexes, natural geomagnetic points that create a swirling energy center radiating from the earth's surface. In the last few decades, various healers and practitioners of alternative medicine, fascinated by its uniqueness, have found a home in the region. My wife and I quickly realized that the people who settled here did not come by accident. In most cases, it was their conscious choice, as well as ours. These characteristics influenced the type of patients who sought help. They were different from those in North Dakota. First of all, they are a very diverse group of people from all over America. They are usually older, many of them retired, highly educated and interested in a holistic approach to healing and spiritual growth.
It is clear from the narration above that I once again turned to clinical work, but as I mentioned, with the desire to do it in a different and modified way. I was in a community of people who organized and practiced daily meditation, yoga, reiki, hypnotherapy, astrological readings, sound healings and many other tried and tested or esoteric techniques. I had the opportunity to try some of them. Naturally, it was necessary to open the "four eyes" and distinguish between a quack and a legitimate alternative healing practitioner. It wasn't always easy, but as time passed, I became more discerning. I enjoyed working with patients two days a week.I had total freedom of action and enough time to spend with each patient. Interestingly, here in Sedona, I encountered a new group of patients in "larger quantities." They are characterized by a sensitive nature, are gifted practitioners of the art of healing, have the ability to communicate with the immaterial dimension of existence, and some are near-death experiencers. Since I am curious and non-judgmental by nature and professional orientation, I easily established a good working relationship with them, which allowed them to fully "open up" without fear that I would interpret their capacities or experiences in a pathological way. Naturally, I have five days a week to myself. I used those days abundantly for personal and spiritual growth, learning about a new environment, making acquaintances and forming friendships.
Experience with psychedelics
One of the important early experiences in Sedona was taking a course on psychedelics. I was attracted to the presenter, who was a pioneer in this field in the 1960s, before they were banned. He was psychologist Dr. Sandi Ungar. Now in his eighties, he was still “ready and eager.” He was able to find in himself and transfer to us, his listeners, the enthusiasm that characterized his work of treating depression and alcoholism with LSD in those years. Thanks to this course, I met people who wanted to experiment in a responsible way with these potent substances. Since psychedelics have been banned in America, a small group of individuals was ready to travel to Mexico to this end. I was one of them. I described this experience in detail in the book Reflections of a Psychiatrist. * Here I quote the most important part:
"Our guide said that I was reaching the peak of the mescaline effect, so I decided to go to my room. I put an eye mask on and earplugs in and continued to enjoy the pleasant visual hallucinations. They gradually changed into the image of a flying arrow breaking the chains around my heart, allowing me to experience a universal love for humanity. So far, so good. Very positive. But suddenly, it changed into images of people from Mexican politics, fighting each other and trying to recruit me to their sides. I didn't want to have these images anymore, so I opened my eyes. I went out on the balcony and saw dark clouds and lightning nearby. I sat and watched the celestial spectacle in fascination. I interpreted it as a struggle of evil forces over my soul. There was nothing I could do, so I said, ‘I don’t care what happens you fight it out.’ I returned to my room, closed my eyes again, and saw another arrow breaking the chains of pride and control. Apparently, I was not comfortable with my earlier decision that evil forces could take my soul, so I sat in a meditation pose on the bed with my arms in a position of prayer. For the first time in my life, I sincerely prayed, in the Serbian language, a simple prayer asking God to save my soul. I repeated it over and over, crying. I bent down and suddenly experienced an indescribable light descending on me, and I knew that the prayer had been answered and my soul saved. I felt immense peace and calm. I knew that nobody could harm my soul anymore and that the birth of my spiritual self had occurred. Then I went to the bathroom. I took off my clothes and had a cold shower for a few minutes. That was my baptism. I felt even calmer. I went to the balcony again. The dark clouds parted, and a clear sky appeared. I decided to go to bed again. In my mind, I processed visions of many ego-related situations and released my old ways of existence, making them less important."
Spirituality
That experience with mescaline really left an impression on me. I have become increasingly open to an immaterial vision of the world and to a spiritual dimension that permeates and embraces everything that exists. It reminded me to study theoretical physics in which energy, this intriguing category invisible to our senses, is the basis of reality and matter is but one specific energy manifestation. We sense the effect of the energy field propagating in the three dimensions to infinity, but we cannot visualize it directly. I felt confused and questioned my usual "rational" reasoning, which led me to continue my studies in this field. I attended courses in shamanism and astrology, where the importance of bioenergy and cosmic energy is emphasized both in our individual existence and in their impact on larger social processes. For me, this newly gained knowledge, which I have received from reliable sources, ** has confirmed the importance of energy vibrations and their meaning for a deeper understanding of reality.
I became a member of a literary club with an emphasis on reading and discussing books devoted to spirituality. There I met Maria-Josephine, who was the organizer of the club, and later became my wellness coach following the principles of the famous Andrew Weil, the founder of the Integrative Health and Wellness Coaching program at the University of Arizona in Tucson. At the beginning of the training, I filled out a questionnaire. The first question was: “What do you like in your life?” My answer was that I love living in Sedona, doing my job, having the desire to read, study, spend time with my wife, family and friends, and watch interesting TV programs. I continued by saying that I like to stay in good physical health and maintain mental freshness. I strive to be compassionate, authentic, honest and open in my interactions with others. Moreover, my intent is to radiate optimism, positivity and to be filled with love. When asked what my mission or purpose in life was, I replied to get to know the world and others, and to develop all the capacities of my personality through a profound knowledge of myself. My aspirations are to continue my spiritual growth and be ready, when the time comes, to die fearlessly with curiosity for what comes next. My lifestyle activities included the consumption of organic foods, primarily plant-based, the avoidance of processed sugar and alcohol, and the practice of physical mobility, yoga and meditation.
Taking into account the answers presented above, I began weekly meetings with Maria-Josephine, fully committed to reaching the objectives I developed in coordination with her. In a way, I became a patient because our meetings resembled psychotherapy. Of course, I was trained as a psychotherapist, so it took me a while to become accustomed to the changed roles. This experience has helped me, even more, to understand and sympathize with those whom I am responsible for treating. In meetings with Maria-Josefina, I have learned to develop appropriate strategies for achieving self-proclaimed health promotion goals. Our four-month "coaching" was completed when I met all established priorities.
Center of universal light
Shortly after my arrival in Cottonwood, for the first time in my life, I joined a spiritual (non-religious) organization called Center of Universal Light. I was drawn to the relaxed atmosphere and beautiful historic building, Old Town Center for the Arts, which was used for spiritual services, but also for concerts, plays, films, etc. Of course, the most important reason was the people and the proclaimed principles connected with the promotion of inter-spiritual tolerance. Because of that it is also called the Oneness center. The main purpose of gathering in this safe place imbued with love was to discover and find a deeper meaning of existence through authentic and responsible action. The Center does not follow any church doctrine or dogma and encourages attendees to become active participants. There is no hierarchical structure, only a spiritual director and a seven-members Council whose meetings are open. Everyone is welcomed because of the desire to "improve the paths that unite us and blur the lines that divide us". *** I enjoyed the gatherings, which were often complemented with outstanding musical acts, lectures, and other interesting events. At one time I was a member of the so-called men's group where male members of the Center had the opportunity to talk about themselves, personal difficulties and other important topics in a confidential supportive environment of peers.
Yoga
As I wrote before, I am a yoga practitioner. Immediately after arriving in Cottonwood, I looked for a studio where I could continue this practice, which is so important to me. But to no avail, until I stumbled upon "hot yoga." I have heard of this type of Bikram yoga where the room is heated at 105 degrees Fahrenheit and 40 percent humidity. I wasn't attracted to it, but I still decided to give it a chance. I was told that the positive effects of the high temperature are that it facilitates deeper stretching, injury prevention, stress, and tension relief. The yoga exercises themselves were faster and more intense than what I was used to in Fargo. I approached this program with reservations, but after a short time of getting used to it, I felt very good, probably because of the increased circulation, the detoxifying effect of profuse sweating, as well as because of the endorphin-soaked nervous system. Unfortunately, COVID-19 abruptly ended this program and I never returned to it. Instead, I was able to connect with a yoga teacher from Fargo through a video platform. I was glad that the pandemic situation made it possible to practice yoga virtually with my old acquaintances. In the present time, I returned to yoga in Cottonwood, no longer "hot" but classic, in the library, where every Wednesday yogis from an Indian ashram come and donate a two-hour practice of original yoga, without any western modifications. I enjoy this simple yet wisdom-infused practice with an emphasis on breathing exercises, meditation, and twelve basic asanas.
Qigong
I first encountered qigong fifteen years ago at a conference for psychotherapists. One of the qigong teachers offered the participants a morning practice, which Tina and I gladly attended. Prior to that, Tina met the famous Chinese qigong healer, Chunyi Lin who practiced in Minneapolis. When I visited him, he did a "reading" of the energy state of my body and told me that I needed a treatment that could be done remotely. At the time, I was rather skeptical about the energy treatments typical of traditional Chinese medicine, apart from acupuncture. That's why I didn't continue in that direction. I regret it now because Chunyi Lin has become a celebrity in the qigong world due to his abilities and his many followers.
Ten years have passed since that day. Tina occasionally practiced qigong using video programs. When we visited Steve, prior to moving to Cottonwood, we went to several qigong classes he was teaching at the Sedona Community Center. After the move, we were able to sign up for a qigong class at a local college. The two of us were there, but Tina was more tenacious than I was. I enjoyed qigong practice in nature, but not in a college classroom. A small group of us had the habit of making an early morning trip to one of the many red rocks. We observed the sunrise and how it aroused the energy of our body in coordination with the practice of qigong. That made me happy. But I still preferred yoga. Not Tina. She fully devoted herself to training Spring Forest Qigong. She completed all the necessary courses until she was certified as an instructor. She has been teaching qigong in Cottonwood for several months now and continues her independent day-to-day practice. I join her occasionally. Recently more and more. I thought I was insensitive to the perception of bioenergy, but I was mistaken. When I am in a relaxed semi-meditative state, I started to notice the subtle energy state of the body. All the more reason to tell, practice makes it perfect.
Meditation
My meditation practice intensified during the first year of COVID-19. Then I met Margaret Joy Weaver, a meditation expert with extensive experience and meditation practice illuminated by India's Ekam program. Using modern technology, she successfully organized a video group of people from around the world and began a daily morning meditation. It gradually included other important spiritual practices that were new to most of us. It was an invaluable experience that lasted a little more than a year. After that, the format was changed. Tina pursued the program and I gradually faded away. Now I only occasionally participate in this ambitious and comprehensive program aimed at the spiritual awakening and enlightenment of a certain percentage of the world's population, for the benefit of all.
Book
Writing texts that were later shaped into a book was another novelty in my personal and professional development. Somehow, at the beginning of COVID-19, the idea came to me to start writing texts without any plan and order. The topics were conditioned and guided by inspiration so that they covered a wide range of subjects. Later, I divided those essays, somewhat arbitrarily, into seven chapters.
In the first section, called Creativity, I have chosen texts that were written about artistry in the literary, visual, and film domains. The second chapter, Traversing of Time, refers to the psychological elements of time that are specific to my personal circumstances, having spent half of my life in Yugoslavia and the other in America. The third is titled Fellowship to underscore the importance and characteristics of communal and interpersonal relationships, and the benefits and difficulties that socializing and association with others bring forth. The fourth chapter, Diversity of Feelings, is the study of various emotional states, their impact on our life and health, as well as methods used to amplify positive feelings and transform negative feelings. The fifth section, Scholarship, contains psychological and psychiatric deliberations regarding various theories and influences that created a knowledge base about mental health and its disorders. The Sixth chapter, Mind, includes texts devoted to the exploration of the psyche in all of its complexity and variety of expression. The last chapter, The Wisdom of Living, presents spiritual, philosophical, and pragmatic views of the world and human nature.
All the texts were first published on my wife's website in English and then on the Facebook of the 102nd high school generation in Pančevo, in Serbian. In this way, through texts, I have established relationships with others who have influenced my writing process with their comments and suggestions. Sometimes I also read texts to my patients at their appointments when I thought this would be beneficial for their treatment. My desire is to broaden my personal world in the transpersonal and universal through an honest narrative. An ambitious goal that was only partially realized. It is linked to the need for the texts in this book * to benefit others and encourage them to take action to improve their own lives. As for me, I have experienced personal expansion and deepening in such a way that I feel enriched, and better integrated as well as more connected with other people.
Life in the fast lane
As you can realize from these descriptions, despite COVID-19, this time in my life was marked by many new insights and experiences that contributed to my personal and spiritual development. The beauty of nature and the people that surround me every day have enriched my life in so many ways that I am immensely grateful. My psychiatric practice has been greatly altered under the influence of the described transformative changes. Due to COVID-19, I only see patients through the video platform, which I quickly and easily became accustomed to. When appropriate, I feel confident in suggesting energy healing, astrological readings, shamanism and more to my patients. I tell them about the new knowledge I gained, the strategies I used and the changes I went through. Many of these methods and techniques can be useful in challenging the established patterns of thinking, experiencing and behaving by influencing the belief systems we grew up with that had a negative impact on our health. I believe that our lives are shaped by a process of constant learning and broadening horizons. My life continues to be guided by this idea. How about yours?
* Reflections of a psychiatrist, by Zelko Leon, Independently published, 2022
** Cosmos and Psyche: Intimations of a New World View, by Richard Tarnas, Viking Adult, 2006; The World of Shamanism: New Views of an Ancient Tradition, Roger Walsh, Llewellyn Publications, 2007
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