In search for solid ground
Anxiety creeps into me. It's a feeling that appears unnoticed at first, seeping through the cracks in my carefully constructed façade. It slithers undetected, taking hold of my mind and body before I even realize what's happening. Then, all of a sudden, it becomes a relentless force, like a flood that engulfs everything in its path. My heart is racing as if trying to escape from my chest. I am sweating, shaking, soaking in my fear. It becomes hard to catch up my breath. I try to calm my hijacked mind. I take slow breaths counting to ten focusing on the rhythm of my own heartbeat. But the anxiety remains a shadow that follows my steps. It feels like an impossible mission to be in its presence.
As I reflect on my life, I come to the conclusion that my anxiety runs deep. It's a fundamental feeling of uncertainty that seems to pervade my being. The world around me is vast and complex, and my place in it is insignificant and precarious. I feel as though I am adrift on a stormy sea, tossed about by the waves of life.
I am searching for a sense of stability and security, but the more I search, the more elusive it becomes. I have turned to education and science as a source of solace, hoping that by acquiring knowledge, somehow, I gain a sense of control and predictability in my life and my surroundings. It appears that I am looking for a holy grail, secret knowledge that will unlock the mysteries of the universe and make sense of my place within it.
The well
Suddenly my mind drifts to the image of the well in my grandmother's yard. It stood there, a deep dark hole in the ground, inviting yet terrifying. I remember spending summers at her house, drawn to the well but also scared of it. I couldn't resist peering into its depths, imagining the stories I had heard of kids who had fallen in and their screams piercing the air.
That well with its unknown depth has become a metaphor for the mysteries of life. Like the well, life can be both inviting and terrifying, beckoning me to explore it while also evoking anxiety and fear. Just as I look into the well, trying to catch a glimpse of what lies beneath, I am struck by the overwhelming sense that I have stepped into the portal of infinity.
The metaphor of the well has been used in shamanic journeying to represent the gateway to the timeless and uncontained realm of unconsciousness. During one such journeying, I sat on the edge of the well, gazing down there. I threw a small stone, and the sound of its impact took a long time to reach me. Sofia, my shamanic guide, invited me to dive into the well with my consciousness. As I descended, the darkness around me grew thicker, and I slipped into an altered state of consciousness. I let go of my rational mind and surrendered.
When I reached the surface of the water, I immersed my face in it, allowing the coolness and weightlessness of the water to envelop me. I observed everything carefully, from the play of light on the water's surface to the sounds and sensations around me. I was fully present without any judgment or analysis.
Then, Sofia invited me to gradually make my way back to the beginning, returning to the room and to my physical body. I brought with me the insights and experiences I had acquired ready to integrate them into my everyday life. By diving into the well, I opened myself up to the spiritual realm. I allowed myself to be guided by intuition and inner wisdom.
Perhaps, like the well, the understanding of my existential anxiety is buried deep within me, waiting to be uncovered. But just as I hesitated to approach the well, afraid of what I might find, I may also be hesitant to venture into the depths of my own psyche. It takes courage to confront the unknown, to face fear, and to embrace the mystery of life.
The holographic universe
These are some of the “deep thoughts” that circulate in my mind. When I am immersed in these thoughts, when I live in my head, I feel a sense of unease, as though I am standing on the edge of an abyss, with no clear direction or purpose. Sometimes I even have fleeting moments of disappearing, that there is “nobody home.” I get scared in these moments as if I am going to vanish.
As I further contemplate this existential nature of my anxiety, I enter the metaphysical spheres of existence. I ponder the nature of reality and question the very fabric of the universe in which we reside. I wonder if the reality we experience every day is actually real. What if the universe and everything in it is just a holographic projection or a simulated reality created by an advanced civilization?
I was introduced to this idea for the first time by watching the TV program Thinking Allowed in 2010. This program featured Michael Talbot, the author of the popular book "The Holographic Universe," which was published in 1991. In both the interview and the book, Talbot referenced numerous scientists, including David Bohm, Karl Pribram, and Leonard Susskind. These scientists argued that reality was more like a hologram than a physical and objective entity. They suggested that the holographic principle could explain a range of phenomena, from psychic experiences and paranormal phenomena to quantum physics and the nature of consciousness.
The idea appeared fascinating, almost like a work of science fiction. However, as time went by, I became more familiar with it and learned that this concept has gained traction in recent times, particularly within the realm of quantum physics (1). Simulated or holographic theory suggests that the world we experience might be similar to a computer simulation, with the properties of matter and energy being described as information that is stored and manipulated like computer code. This means that what we perceive as reality might just be a highly sophisticated illusion (2).
In the entertainment industry, we have witnessed several instances where deceased celebrities have been resurrected and brought back to life using holograms. In a moment of pure magic, the legendary King of Pop became alive again in a blaze of light and sound at the Billboard Music Awards in 2014. As the audience held their breath, the hologram of Michael Jackson appeared on stage, his iconic image soaring through the air thanks to the advancement of technology and artistry.
The Matrix
I relate better to movies, so I was looking into cinematographic examples of simulated reality. I found it in The Matrix, a popular science fiction movie franchise. In The Matrix, humans live in a simulated reality created by sentient machines, while their physical bodies are kept in stasis and used as an energy source.
To stimulate my thinking about existential fears stemming from uncertainty, I give my imagination a boost and allow it to guide me further. I imagine myself as a holograph, my world a construct - a simulation. I exist within this simulated reality, unaware of the true nature of my existence. Everything around me appears to be real and tangible, but it is all an illusion.
At some point, I am presented with a choice - to continue living in blissful ignorance or to confront the inconvenient truth about my existence. Just like Neo in The Matrix, I have the option to take the blue pill and remain in the simulated world or take the red pill and venture into the unknown to discover the truth.
Choosing the blue pill means staying within the confines of the simulated world, where everything is controlled and predetermined. This option is tempting because it offers me security and familiarity, but I realize that it is a false sense of comfort.
On the other hand, taking the red pill means venturing into the unknown, discovering the nature of my existence, and possibly facing harsh realities. It could be dangerous and uncomfortable, but also the way to truly understand the world around me.
Plato’s Cave
In a flash of insight, I remember Plato’s Cave metaphor that helps me to further advance my thinking. I imagine that I have spent my entire life chained up in a dark cave, facing a wall. The only reality I have ever known is the shadows that are cast on the wall by the objects passing behind me. I believe these shadows are the reality, and I am unaware that there is a world beyond the cave.
As I sit there in the darkness, I begin to wonder if there is something more to life than what I see on the wall. Suddenly, I hear a voice behind me. The voice tells me that the shadows on the wall are not the true reality, but merely a projection of the objects passing behind me. It informs me that there is a world beyond the cave and encourages me to break free from my chains and see it for myself.
The Well, The Matrix, and Plato's Cave metaphors I briefly outlined here are tools to help us to appreciate the limitations of preconceived perceptions. The unknown evokes feelings of existential anxiety, so it is comforting to cling to what is familiar and secure, as it provides a sense of safety and stability. However, in doing so, we risk limiting our understanding of the world and our own potential. The metaphors of The Well, The Matrix, and Plato's Cave urge us to go beyond, question what we are given, and step outside of our comfort zones in search of truth.
So I listen to the wisdom embedded in them as I navigate the ever-changing tides of existence. I find myself seeking out moments of transcendence, fleeting glimpses of a deeper truth beyond the surface of reality as we know it. I search for meaning and purpose hoping to find a sense of belonging in a universe that often seems indifferent to my existence.
The oneness
In these moments of introspection, I am reminded of the interconnectedness that exists between all beings and things. It is a network of energy and consciousness that binds us together in ways that transcend our individual experiences and perceptions.
We live in a universe that is infinitely complex, full of mysteries that may never be fully understood or explained. Yet, despite this complexity, there is a certain sense of familiarity and comfort that I find in the idea of interconnectedness. By recognizing our interdependence, we are able to tap into a deeper sense of belonging and purpose in the world.
When we open ourselves up to the notion of the oneness of all things, we begin to see the world in a whole new light. We begin to see how our actions and choices have ripple effects and how we are all part of a larger tapestry of life and creation. This idea reminds me of Native American spirituality and philosophy and the principle of seven generations. It is based on the belief that the decisions and actions we take today ought to consider the impact they will have on the next seven generations.
In this sense, the realization of interconnectedness becomes a source of great inspiration and strength for what otherwise seems like an impossible mission. It helps us see beyond our own limitations and step into the well of wisdom and compassion. It reminds us of the immense power, responsibility, and potential that lies within each and every one of us. When we accept that everyone is connected and that we are all together in this world as one, it is easier to be kinder and more understanding to each other. At the same time, this way of thinking eliminates feelings of isolation and fear and fosters a greater sense of community and belonging, the real antidote to my existential anxiety.
1. The World as a Hologram, by Leonard Susskind, Physical Review Letters,75: 386-389, 1995
2. Are You Living in a Computer Simulation? by Nick Bostrom, Philosophical Quarterly, 53: 243-255, 2003
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